from the article:
"People often get addicted to hope: The hope that the person will change, adds Jeanne McKeon, EdD, a psychologist at the Center for Addictive Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. "Before anything can change, you first have to deal with that addiction to hope. You have to start setting limits. You have to figure out a plan to change things; one that makes sense. Then move through those steps -- not allowing any backpedaling.""
I am a recovering hope addict. It sounds very cruel to not hope for a person to make a positive change... but what is it that I hope for when I hope a person will change? My hope is that they will change in some way that is pleasing to me... Give me the dream relationship... if ONLY they would do X then we would be happy! Hell, I do X, Y and Z for them!
My "hope" fuels controlling behaviors.
Moving away and letting go of the hope that people will change for me frees up new emotional resources that allow for true hope. Wanting people to be happy in themselves. When I was with an alcoholic, I hoped she would change. I wanted to marry her. I still have feelings of "in love" for her.
Leaving her was the best thing I could do for her. With my controlling hope and coddling, I had no chance to help her find joy in her life.
I need to focus on myself. I have hope for myself now. Hope that I can find joy and happiness. With that strength, I can give the people in my life who are there for me... the love and presence they need from me.
People who are abusive, manipulative and addicted need to fall in order to find their way. I have fallen so many times... it always helps me. I will let them fall and hopefully they will find joy without me.
I truly hope they will find joy on their own . That is the only way for them to find it. I will choose to be close with people who seek their own joy from now on.
I desire to be a martyr no more.
1 comment:
An addiction treatment center is staffed by knowlegable professionals who have been trained to work with individuals who have been dealing with long-term addictive disorders. Problems like these are difficult to overcome, but with the right therapy and a good dose of encouragement, recovery is possible.
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