Love vs. Nove

This is a work in progress... literally and figuratively. I will post more is it comes to me.

In my life I have often wondered why I choose to love such difficult women. I have been doing a lot of contemplation lately and see that what I had for them was not really true “love” but neurotic love, “nove”. True love does mix in with neurotic love. This makes it difficult to untangle.

In all close relationships they both exist to different degrees. Only a fully enlightened being exhibits pure love on a total and consistent basis. The ratio in which they exist as well as the complacency we have about our nove indicate the amount of suffering we are creating in our lives.

Relationships based primarily on “nove” spread suffering to all people who love us.

Love is quiet… A whispering breeze that is sustainable and life giving.
Nove is loud… An inconsistent tempest that robs us of life force

Love is confident in things as they are and is fearless
Nove is filled with hope for change and is fearful.

Love is confident in its everlasting nature
Nove is filled with fear of abandonment

Love does not control or manipulate
Nove entrenches patterns of control and manipulation

Love is based on openness and honesty
Nove has secrets, lies and hiding

Love is energizing
Nove is exhausting

Love is relaxed
Nove is obsessive

Love builds strength and emotional independence
Nove coddles and creates emotional dependence

Love spreads joy to people beyond the relationship
Nove spreads suffering and pain to friends

Love grows
Nove degrades

Love honestly says I am happy with you and us
Nove dishonestly says “if only you would (do)X then I would be happy”

Love helps us meet each others needs
Nove is a struggle between the wants of one and the needs of another



Nove is all about equations
the phrases are said over and over again
just different "wants" and desires placed in X and Y

I think that it gets so mixed up in our culture
love songs are mostly nove songs
I feel if I juxtapose... it will bring some clarity
I want love in all my life
with all people I relate to
and those that I cannot relate to in such a way
their nove will be ignored